Snippets
by nambnb
Summary: Just very few thoughts on the show, featuring Mako x Haru
1. Water

"If the water is alive and you'd love to surround yourself with it constantly, does that mean you want to be surrounded by life, Haru?"

"..."

"What does the water feel like while you're immersed in it?"

"It feels like it's embracing me."

"And how does an embrace by a human feels in contrast?"

"...Warmer."

"Too warm?"

"Not if it's Makoto."

"Hehe, that's good to know."

"...The water is harsh and makes me forget other things around me."

"Aren't you afraid of forgetting everything?"

"No, since Makoto will be there to make me remember... Because you are gentle."

"Hmm."


	2. Fangs

"The water is alive.  
>Once you dive in, it will immediately bare its fangs and attack.<br>But there's nothing to fear.  
>Don't resist the water.<br>Thrust your fingers into the surface and carve an opening.  
>Then you slide your body through that opening.<br>Moving your arms, your head, your chest."

When thinking about swimming these words were what came to mind in Haruka's head and he was just swimming remembering what countless years of swimming had taught him.  
>But it was different now.<br>The water was a fearsome opponent at the moment, one that relentlessly attacked him and tried to make him sink and never get back to the surface again if he wasn't careful.

Haruka did not fear the water, but he just could not muster enough strength to fight back anymore. It felt like the water was shackling him, strangling him even. He could not relax like he usually did when sliding through the cold, wet surface filling up the pool. His limbs felt heavy, the end of a lap seemed to stretch on forever. It was just not the same it used to be before this dreadful event at the regionals happened, when the water had attacked him and made him stop in the middle of the lap. Haru had felt like something of himself had vanished on this very day and he just could not get it back no matter how hard he tried.

He was lost, simply lost and the water sparkled below him like to mock his disability.

It was just no fun anymore, only struggle and Haru started to think of swimming as a pain instead of liberation.

He felt the worrying looks of his friends bore into his back and was determined to try his best for them, so that they could swim at the nationals with all they got, but the water would not let him spread his wings.

He was not free anymore.


	3. Conspiracy

Sometimes worry was not enough.  
>Sometimes patience was not enough.<br>And sometimes not even words were enough, neither kind ones nor harsh ones.

Haru had always been stubborn in his own way, but it was one of the traits defining his personality and Makoto was fine with that as long as it didn't affect him negatively. But since Haru's devastating performance at the regionals all that Makoto could feel towards his friend was anxiety. It was less the fact that had not been able to finish his lap at the tournament but more Haruka's declaration towards Rin of having no dream and no future that made Makoto's stomach ache with worry.

After getting into the nationals for winning the relay against Samezuka Makoto had hoped for Haruka to be OK again, but it only lasted a short moment. Looking at him now, Haru seemed like a fish in the water without being able to breath properly. He did swim, but it was not his usual version of freestyle. Haruka' motions were heavy, the sparkling aura that was usually around him whenever his body was immersed in water was gone and all that remained gave off the impression of a drowning man tied to a lead weight, there was just no lightness anymore. Plus, he seemed stressed out all the time. It even affected their performance as a team when exercising for the upcoming relay at the nationals.

Makoto wanted to accept his friend's wishes, he didn't want to prescribe what Haru had to do or not to. It was hard enough to find a future for himself since he had realized that his swimming lacked potential when it came to swimming competitively. Haruka would definitely be capable of achieving what was impossible for Makoto, he was sure of it. But it looked like Haru did not see it that way or simply did not want to do that for a living. And at the moment Makoto even doubted that Haruka could do anything to get closer to that kind of a future, seeing as he was not able to swim freely anymore.

Makoto was planning to have a proper talk with Haruka as soon as the next opportunity would present itself, but seeing as how much bad luck he had with finding that kind of chance lately, Makoto thought it was better to have a plan B and the first person that came to mind was Rin. Even if the confrontation with their red-haired rival seemed to have made Haruka declare that Rin's dream of swimming for a living was not something he yearned to achieve as well, it seemed that Rin could bring Haruka to face his problems at least. And was Rin not Haruka's friend as well? Not even thinking things through, Makoto had already texted his hot-headed friend. It was only a short message on his cellphone, stating: "If I fail, please help Haru out, Rin. Otherwise he might never swim again. Gonna text you later, Makoto."

The next evening at the festival Makoto had finally build up enough courage to talk to Haruka about his future and about finding a dream of his own. But Haruka had snapped at him horribly, accused him of always meddling in his affairs when all Makoto had wanted for Haruka was to stop spiraling downwards and to realize that he could not go on the way he did. And then it came down to Haruka provoking Makoto to blurt out his own plans for the future that basically meant having to move far away and leaving Haruka behind. Makoto just couldn't forget the horrified look in Haruka's eyes when he heard the news.  
>"Do what you want!", he had said.<br>"Do what you want", like Haruka did not even care.  
>The only thing he did not say before running away from Makoto was "and leave me, too". At least that was how it felt like as he watched Haruka run away that night.<p>

So he had failed.  
>Haruka thought that he was a meddler and a traitor and not his friend anymore.<br>Thirteen years of friendship and one honest conversation about the future was all it took to ruin everything between them?  
>Makoto sat in his room that night and felt his own helplessness to a point of insufferableness.<p>

He could not help Haruka.  
>He could not be there for him when he needed someone to guide him through a hard time.<br>Before he even noticed, thick tears were already welling up in his eyes and running down his face and he had trouble breathing.

Just at that moment his cellphone rang and gave Makoto a start. The display spelled "Rin" and Makoto hastily wiped his eyes and nose with his sleeve before answering his phone.  
>"Yes, Makoto speaking?"<br>"MAKOTO YOU IDIOT!", it was Rin, alright. The tone in his voice spelled trouble for Makoto, "How can you leave me some cryptic message about Haru and then not answering my messages or call me back at least? I'm sitting here like a cat on hot bricks and nobody gives a shit!"

Makoto needed a moment to get what Rin was going on about, but then he remembered texting him this afternoon in case he could not help Haruka on his own. He was just so depressed about his failure that he had totally forgotten about Rin there.  
>"Sorry, Rin, I... I was kind of... out of it... You texted me?"<br>"Yes, I did! About ten times! Didn't you read any of it?"  
>"N-no."<br>"Godness!"  
>"Look, Rin, I'm sorry, I really am, but I... I just-", remembering the reason why he had forgotten everything around himself, Makoto teared up again and could not keep his voice steady. "It's Haru... I could not help him, I..."<br>"Makoto? Are you... crying?", Rin's voice suddenly sounded worried and after a sigh and a pause he simply cut to the case. "You said Haru might never swim again if you 'fail'. Is this about Haru giving up on swimming then? Do you want my help with that?"  
>Makoto nodded while holding his cellphone and wiping his tears yet again before realizing Rin could not see him and added a verbal "yes" to his nods, not knowing what else to say.<br>Rin sighed again and paused for quite a long time, so that Makoto nearly thought the phone's connection had gone bad before the other finally spoke again.

"Look, I'm going to Australia for the upcoming week. The ticket allows for a second person to accompany me so I'm actually thinking about just kidnapping Haru and throwing him into the plane with me. Sounds good?"  
>Makoto looked dumpfounded, holding the cellphone to his ear before he answered him: "I...I can't follow you, Rin."<br>"I said I'm taking Haru with me to Autralia, since I'm visiting some friends I had while training over there. It's just a whole other level of swimming you can see there, maybe Haru will get inspired if he sees this? Or maybe he just needs a break from all of this, whatever. I made up my mind, I'm taking him with me, so don't worry and stop crying, Makoto. You might be friends with him the longest, but you are not the only one who cares about Haru, so don't try to shoulder all of the responsibility by yourself, you idiot."  
>"Rin."<br>"Don't try to talk me out of it, when I made up my mind I will do it."  
>"No, that's not it. I just wanted to thank you for doing this. Thank you, Rin.", Makoto was not just using an empty phrase, he was really grateful that Rin was willing to help Haruka out and Rin seemed to know it, since he paused for a while before adding his last words to their conversation.<br>"Stop it, you're giving me the creeps. I'm just doing this out of self interest. If Haru can't swim anymore, what kind of competition am I supposed to have after all? See you later then."  
>"Later.", Makoto's words were accompanied by a relieved smile and he could almost imagine Rin's reddened face while he had come up with this excuse instead of just stating he was doing this for Haru because they were friends, too.<p>

It still hurt that Makoto was not able to help Haruka, but it was such a relief to see a light at the end of the tunnel again that Makoto allowed himself to think everyting was going to be fine again.


End file.
